A Tribute to My Fellow Residents at Collington
As some readers know, I spent most of my career working in the affordable housing sector and in the senior living industry. For 25 years Howell Associates performed financial feasibility and marketing studies and helped in sales and marketing programs for mainly not-for-profit, senior living providers located all over the country. I sold the company to ZA Consulting in 1998, worked off a non-compete clause, and then turned most of my attention to teaching (mainly about affordable housing development and finance) in the Public Policy Program at the University of Maryland and in the Honors College at GW, and serving on the boards of several not-for-profit affordable housing and senior living providers.
(And to be honest, I did spend a lot of time racing and cruising our sailboat–a Jeanneau 39, called “Second Wind”–with Embry and good friends on the Chesapeake Bay and chartering sailboats in the BVIs and other exotic waters.)
Does this mean that when we moved to Collington I had a better insight as to what actually goes on in senior living communities from a resident’s perspective? Not by a long shot. I never fully appreciated or understood what it was like for residents living in these communities, what they were going through or what their experience was like. Embry and I have now been residents of Collington, a continuing care retirement community (or “CCRC,” different levels of care provided on site) in the Maryland suburbs of Washington for about 10 months. The experience has been an eye opener.
Today I will focus on what stands out about our fellow residents at Collington. I am calling this post “True Grit.” If there is one word which in my view captures the spirit of the residents living here, this is it. Here is what you need to know about what many people have experienced and are experiencing who are at Collington:
• Making the decision to move to a senior living community is not the first choice for most people who end up moving into a service-enriched, senior living community. The first choice, of course, for most people is to continue living in the house or apartment where they have lived, probably for a very long time, and where they have a network of friends. Like us, many people made the decision to move to a CCRC for two reasons. For a good number of people, living in their home of many years was no longer working. In many cases this involved the loss of a spouse or a serious health or mobility issue, or both. Or–and this was the case with us–they figured out ahead of time that a major health or mobility crisis is likely to happen to you at some point and that it makes more sense to make the move before you have to deal with a crisis. (You can read about my experience at Holy Cross Hospital in a recent post.) I give Embry full credit for this. But figuring this out ahead of time does not make the decision easy or without stress. Setting foot in a large continuing care retirement community is like going to college when as a freshman you knew very few people and were faced with starting a new phase of life from scratch but this time at an older age when it is not as easy to adjust. Making the transition and adjustment is not easy for anyone, but Collington does an exceptional job in easing the stress. We were assigned a “moving manager” to help with the move and an “ambassador,” who lives near us and in our “cluster” of seventeen cottages, and whose job is to introduce new residents to friends and activities and help them make the transition. Neighbors quickly become friends, having experienced the transition themselves, and go out of the way to make you feel welcomed.
• And there is an interesting mix of very accomplished people who live here, and a variety of careers–teachers and professors, social workers, doctors and nurses, artists, published authors, state department people, and the retired military along with the usual public servants, businesspeople and lawyers. No one boasts or even hints of prior accomplishments.
• No one complains about personal health issues or hardships even though we all have experienced them. That is all taken in stride. We have all lived long lives. At our advanced ages, that is enough to be thankful for. We all have bruises. We are likely to experience more. And the pain associated with the checking out process is just the way it works for us Homo sapiens on the planet Earth.
• Our friends and neighbors here at Collington are stalwarts and survivors. A high percentage have lost a spouse. Some are dealing with having a spouse in memory care or assisted living. They have seen it all. If they have lived here for over 12 years (which is about the average length of stay), they also will have lost a lot of friends. A community like Collington, which is a approaching its 40th anniversary, and has a resident population of over 400, there will be between 30 and 35 deaths a year–at least two or three per month–a not so subtle reminder that our time left is precious. Their photographs and short bios are posted in the hallway at Collington across from the photos of new residents moving in. I have heard several people comment that they anxiously look at the list of those who have died to check if a photo of themselves is posted.
• The key to a successful CCRC or any senior living community is having a caring and capable staff including nursing assistants and a full range of health professions, food service workers, and care givers. This is the case here where most of the hands-on care is provided by immigrants, as is the case in many senior living communities around the country. At Collington the entire support staff is honored and welcomed at many community-wide gatherings and events.
• Another factor at work here is shared values due in part to being the creation of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington and for the last 15 plus years an affiliation with Kendal, a Quaker organization emphasizing human values and, yes, progressive thought and action. If there is a MAGA supporter here at Collington, I have not met him, and residents are almost all universally appalled at what is happening in Minneapolis and also in neighborhoods near us where ICE is clubbing and imprisoning people of color who speak with a foreign accent.
• There is a wisdom that comes with old age. Death is not an abstract idea. A lot of people here have experienced the loss of a loved one. Yet we soldier on, upbeat and engaged in the problems of the world, eager to continue learning and happy to keep the torch burning. For me this all translates to a profound religious experience albeit not the kind of thing anyone talks about.
So let’s hear it for Collington residents! We are the survivors. Yes, we have taken our hits along the way and understand that life is not fair. We are the lucky ones, the ones with True Grit, who keep on squeezing the lemon as long as any drops are left.