March 18
At Sea
Since most days are the same on cruise ships, here is the schedule for a typical passenger on a typical day on the Zuiderdam:
- Up at 8:oo am, check out the weather, get dressed (smart casual) and take the elevator down seven floors (decks) for breakfast.
- 9:00am. Breakfast. Open seating. Made to order: eggs, bacon, sausage, grits, pancakes, waffles, French toast, omelets of all types. As much as you want, all you can eat.
- 10:00 am. Back to the room. With a breakfast like that, it is time for a short nap.
- 10:30 am. Dress for the pool. Out on the deck for spectacular views of the sparkling ocean under cloudless skies and bikini viewing of the 1% of the women who are under 60.
- 10:45 am. Morning break with coffee and fresh pastries, served by smiling Pilipino young men in uniforms.
- 11:00 am. First major exercise of the day: massage and aroma therapy in the spa. Briefly observe mostly empty fitness room as you enter .
- 11:50 am. Return to room to dress for lunch. Smart casual.
- 12:00 pm. lunch. Open seating. Appetizers, salad, choice of a half dozen entrée’s , numerous deserts—a feast that would serve as the main meal of the day anywhere except on a cruise ship.
- 1:00 pm. Back to the room for a short nap to recover from lunch.
- 2:00 pm. Dress for the pool. Second major exercise of the day: sitting in the hot tub .
- 2:30 pm. Afternoon ice cream break.
- 3:00 pm. Educational seminar (one of 65 activities and affinity group options offered for the day) Topic: “Good Nutrition and Healthy Living.” (Tomorrow: “Acupuncture for Aging” followed by “Wrinkle Remedies.”)
4:00 pm. English high tea. More pastries, little sandwiches, chocolates.- 5:00 pm. Third major exercise: sauna.
- 6:00 pm. Back to the state room to dress for dinner. Formal attire.
- 6:30 pm. Cocktails and heavy horsd’oeuvers before dinner at one of the ship’s dozen bars and lounges.
- 7:30 pm. Dinner. Assigned seating. Same waiter and same table every night. Biggest meal of the day with appetizer, salad, choice of a dozen entrees and countless deserts. Exceptional food. Vintage wine. Excellent service.
- 9:00 pm. Evening entertainment in the theater—magic show, juggler, Broadway tunes.
- 10:15 pm. Piano bar and lounge for sing alongs and Karaoke. After dinner drinks and late night snacks.
- 11:00 pm. Bed time.
Another great day on the High Seas! Only nine hours until breakfast!
Joe, please get a tape measure and give us daily “girth” reports from you two as the ship heads toward Spain. You could also ask for data about the overall ship displacement (waterline) but I suspect that whatever they had in storage for meals has been repositioned in you innards (at least for the moment).
I am happy to report that three years ago during a downturn in the cruise business, a reglulation went into effect making it a felony to have access to a scale. Business picked up the following year and since that time no passengers have weighed or measured their girth including me.
Are you seeing a lot of transatlantic traffic? How about trash in the ocean? Any sea creatures? Just wondering.
No sea creatures, no ships and no trash–just the big blue sea.
LOL – too hilarious!
Dave Barry has nothing on you, Joe!
Joe, The theological dialectic bet Presbyterian & Episcopal is like BALLAD OF OWEN MEANEY by John Irving, when he shuttles between Congregational & Episcopal (since the lush Bishop killed the President of the Baltimore Bike Club, Episcopal Priests have been re-thinking the amount of Holy Wine the Priest drinks after every service – whoever told the fools that only the Priest can drinks Holy Wine (God in her Holy Temple has punished many of the Episcopal Only I Am Holy Priests by leading them into the endless trials of alcoholism).
Speaking about religion, as usual Palm Sunday was celebrated as usual with the event analogous to Mardi Gras, w/o any sense that the Palm Wavers that JC was a Zealot Revolutionary, & then Holy Week plays out like a Monty Python skit, in wh the Romans want to kill him as a threat to the Impire & Ceasar/God, then pin the deed on the Jews, prompting Xians to murder 100 million Jews, & the new followers of the #2 Prophet Jesus in Islam go at Jew hating too, prepared to kill the remaining Jews, esp.
in NYC, Miami,& California. Oy Vey re Iran negotions.
Do post your 4 lectures on the poet Gospel John.
This made my day when I read it. As did the christmas music on the train. Can’t wait to hear the next installments of leg 3.