This interview took place between Faux News (FN) and the President of the United States today at noon.
FN: Thank you, Mr. President, for agreeing to be interviewed. I understand that we are now the only news media that you will talk to or that your staff is allowed to talk to. We are very honored. My first question is this: why did you fire Comey.
Trump: Well, I needed to fire someone, and his number came up. Did you follow “The Apprentice”? I fired someone every week, and my fans loved it. In fact if a week goes by and I don’t fire someone, I just don’t feel right. And look at what happened to “The Apprentice.” Ruined since I left, and everyone misses me, especially my base. They love it when I fire someone, and believe me, there will be more. Ratings always go up. There will be a lot more.
FN: But why Comey? You praised him just a short time ago and called him a statesman. Why did he deserve to have his number come up?
Trump: The awful things he said about Hillary. You know, the emails. He should never have done that.
FN: I thought you hated Hillary.
Trump: No. She should be locked up, but I do not hate her.
FN: Why should she be locked up?
Trump: Because of all those emails.
FN: But you just said that Comey was not nice to her because he should not have brought up the emails.
Trump: He wasn’t nice to her, but once he said it, he should have locked her up–and believe me, whoever I appoint in his place will get the job done. Into the slammer she will go, and she won’t see the light of day for years.
FN: But some are saying that this has something to do with the Russia investigation.
Trump: What Russia investigation?
FN: The one the FBI is working on.
Trump: I am not aware of any investigation about Russia by the FBI, and I was told three times by Comey that I was not the subject of it. I am clean. Jared is clean. Ivanka is clean. Everybody is clean. So I do not know what you are talking about, and if you ask another disrespectful question like that, I am not going to talk to you either.
FN: But what about Flynn?
Trump: Never heard of him.
FN: Or Roger Stone?
Trump: Him either.
FN: Paul Manafort?
FN: But they are front page news. Flynn even worked for the Trump Administration.
Trump: Not that I know of. You hear about that only from the fake news which now includes just about everybody but Breitbart and Faux News. The fake news media are all trying to get me, and my base won’t stand for it. They know me. They love me. They are cheering right now. I am decisive, a man of action. This is what they elected me for, and they will stand by me no matter what. I am changing Washington, draining the swamp. I am great and I will be great and I will be popular. Just wait until the new polls come out. Now this interview is over. I am heading back to find someone else I can fire who might be working on the so called Russia connection which is just a lie by the fake news media.
FN: Thank you, Mr. President. You will always be number one at Faux News.