Faux News has learned that Trump has been nominated for and will receive the Nobel Peace Prize. This was confirmed today in a hastily-called press conference by Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who spoke to a small group of skeptical and surprised reporters.
Ms. Sanders began her remarks by making the announcement that the President will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his courageous and bold decision to prohibit the inhumane treatment of immigrants and asylum seekers started by Woodrow Wilson and supported by every president since that time and was the centerpiece of Hillary Clinton’s emails and tweets. This law, passed by Democrats, requires law enforcement officials to rip children away from the parents seeking asylum and place them indefinitely in cages. When asked if she could provide any proof or corroboration of this inhumane treatment administered at the hands of public officials during prior administrations, she said that there were so many that it could fill a New York telephone book, when they had telephone books, and that any reporter asking such a stupid question must work for one of the fake news organizations.
The surprise, of course, was that the Nobel Committee had chosen Trump for his humane and courageous acts related to the toddlers and infants of immigrants and asylum seekers rather than his bold and courageous initiatives with Kim Jon Un. When questioned by one reporter as to why Trump had not received the award for his actions in North Korea, Sanders replied that he would surely be awarded a second peace prize for getting Kim Jon Un to denuclearize immediately and to make several sites available for Trump golf resorts, hotels, and casinos.
She boasted, “It would be the first time in history anyone has won two Nobel Peace Prizes in one year, and for this honor the President will go down in history as the greatest world leader of all time.”
Reporters then quizzed the Press Secretary regarding the recent caging of infants and toddlers ripped from the arms of asylum seekers. Sanders said that the treatment was only a holdover from the evil Obama Administration, and the minute that Trump became aware of it, he stopped it.
She scolded the “fake press” again for spreading lies and falsehoods and said that the White House is working on laws and regulations that will put a stop to this un-American activity and eliminate the fake press for good.
Ms. Sanders concluded her remarks by emphasizing that this courageous action should be viewed as a sign of strength and power, not weakness or giving in to crocodile tears from bleeding heart, namby-pamby, do-gooders or Republican Senators up for reelection in November.
“Trump is not letting these immigrant murderers, rapists and thieves off the hook,” she said. “In fact his actions will extend the time for detention for immigrants and asylum seekers from 20 days to forever. The only thing that might be considered weak—but isn’t—is allowing the children to remain with their parents in make-shift tents, detention centers and prisons. We do not want these people here, and if they are here they are going to be locked up in prisons where they belong. This is what the American people want, why they elected Trump by the greatest margin of all time, and why the American people support him 100%. The November congressional elections will prove his popularity and power, and he will be reelected by the greatest landslide of all time in 2020. Just wait and see. He has already made America great again just like he promised he would. And have you checked the support he gets from his base? Need I say more?”