Faux News Futures Feature: Breaking News June 2019, “Supreme Court Rules Constitution Unconstitutional.”

In a 5-4 decision today the U.S. Supreme Court upheld along party lines Donald Trump’s executive order which  effectively  nullifies Article 14 of the U.S. Constitution by  disallowing citizenship for all  children born in the U.S. to non U.S. Citizens. Article 14 had granted citizenship to “all persons born or naturalized in the United States.”

 It is not clear whether this historic ruling applies retroactively to all people who gained citizenship under Article 14 or just to future cases.  The opinion was written by  newly confirmed Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh and hailed by most Republican elected officials as a major breakthrough in U.S.  history, thus laying the ground for declaring unconstitutional  the Bill of Rights and other amendments now considered obsolete  by Trump and many Republican elected officials such as the Thirteenth Amendment, which outlaws slavery, and the two term limit to presidential terms criticized so frequently by President Trump.

Writing on behalf of the “Originalist” majority, Kavanaugh’s opinion states,” It is clear from reading American history and the  U.S. Constitution that the misguided people who wrote the Thirteenth Amendment had no intention of providing citizenship to all children of non U.S. citizens. Since it was never their intent, the amendment is by definition unconstitutional and that Trump’s executive order stands.”

When asked by a reporter how he could draw this conclusion, Kavanaugh asked the reporter what his favorite beer was and  said that any question so stupid did not deserve an answer.

Republicans were overwhelmingly supportive of the decision. Led by Senator Graham from South Carolina, one Republican Senator after another praised the ruling from the floor of the Senate.  Graham addressed the Senate, “Finally the Supreme Court is upholding the original intent of the Founding Fathers and others to  keep the Constitution constitutional. It is a wonderful day for the country and for all who believe in the rule of law and the purity and infallibility of the U.S. Constitution. All praise to the Originalist majority and our beloved Leader, President Trump!”

President Trump tweeted, “Thanks, Brett and the Boys. Now time to go after the Thirteenth.”

While Originalist legal scholars praised the decision, the majority of legal scholars questioned how anyone could come to the conclusion that the constitution is itself unconstitutional. “It all has to do with intent,” said Justice Kavanaugh. “And how you interpret the Constitution . If there are parts of the Constitution that are unconstitutional, then the Constitution must be protected at all costs. We stand firm on this and will not tolerate any unconstitutional clauses in the Constitution. The Rule of Law will prevail.”

Since this is breaking news, more information will be forthcoming as it becomes available.

 

 

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