Faux News Returns: Trump Rallies Followers Around Wall Victory, “the Greatest of All Time”

In a hastily called rally in the  small hamlet of Jefferson Davis, Alabama, Trump held a nationally televised rally,  packed with 20,000 supporters, all jammed into  a high school basketball gymnasium designed to hold only 500 people. Tens of  thousands of other supporters waited in line outside in the rain. His supporters, all sporting new, red baseball caps with the words “WALL NOW” inscribed on the front, screamed and hollered at every word. At multiple times the National Guard had to be brought in to restore order.

As the president took the podium, more than two hours were required to bring order to the event, forcing television stations throughout the country to run continuous commercials of Viagra and Bud Light. Here is the exact transcription of what the president said during his brief appearance:

“Friends and supporters and those who love and respect law and order, who hate immigrants, and most of all who love me, thank you for your support.”

Another pause of 16 minutes while the crowd goes wild.

“I am pleased to say I have accomplished more today  than any human in the history of the world has accomplished. Everyone combined. I have stopped the greatest, Emergency Crisis the world has ever known or will know, and I have done it on my own without any help from anyone, least of all the Democratic controlled House. I have stopped the massive invasion of the United States by marauding bands of rapists, murderers, robbers, drug dealers, and known terrorists whose only goal is to take over and destroy the United States. I have overruled the Democrats, the weaklings and cowards, who are a disgrace to the country, and I have started the Wall I promised you. It is happening now!”

More cheers lasting 23 minutes requiring National Guard intervention.

“Now that I have started the Wall with  billions I am taking from wasteful and unnecessary programs like the military and disaster relief, we are now safe. The world is safe.” 

More cheers

“Now that the Wall  construction has begun, this concrete, massive, beautiful, gigantic, incredible structure, it will be completed in record time. And it will be beautiful and high. Maybe 20-30 stories, and no one will get through. Ever. There will be no doors. I am sending 250,000 troops, whom I am removing from Syria, Iraq and Afghanistan and other shithole countries and putting them on the job. It will be finished so soon and so quickly, and it will be so beautiful. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day but soon, very soon. Incredibly soon and beautiful. And if the 250,000 soldiers can’t get the job done, I will bring in more from other shithole countries. There are a lot of shithole countries where we do not belong. Take Germany for instance. Enemy. Merkel is a dog face. We don’t need troops there or anywhere in Europe to defend us from our friend and ally, Russia. I don’t know if we have any troops in England, but if we do, I will remove them. May is another dog face.

“And I want to thank my faithful Republican friends in the Senate for standing behind me and supporting my actions. They are the greatest. And as for the few Republican defectors, you are history. We will destroy you in the primaries. You might as well quit now like the flake Flake, and the midget, peanut brain, Corker. You defectors are toast.

More cheers

“Now some traitor Democrats have talked about taking my action to the courts. “

Boos continue for 17 minutes before order is restored.

“This will never happen. Won’t happen. When it gets to the Supreme Court, I’ve got five votes in my pocket and everyone knows that. I own them. Whatever legal action I want, I get and it makes no difference what the Democrats do.”

More cheers. Trump asks for quiet.

Now what the American people need to know is that this is not the only national emergency we face right now. There are many others. Take the so called “Dreamers” who came here illegally and were given a reprieve by the Fake President Obama, who was not even born in this country. They too are trying to destroy our country and take it over . We know who they are and where they live. Low hanging fruit. Get ‘em. 

Audience goes crazy.

And there  are a lot more of these lowlifes, almost  20 million illegal immigrants. Now I know that some say only 11 million, but I know there are 20 million, and until each and every one is locked up and put in jail, America won’t be safe. We will continue to be in a state of National Emergency unlike anything the world has seen, and it is going to stay that way until all these no good , illegal immigrants  are out of the country or locked up. All of them. That is why I am recalling almost all of our military who are wasting their time overseas in shithole countries supposedly defending our country against a friend like Russia or North Korea. They will return home, build new prisons,  and lock these people up. I am  transferring another $500 billion from worthless agencies like EPA, HHS, and HUD for this purpose. In fact because of the emergency I am closing them down.” 

More cheers

So this is a great day for America and a great day for me, the greatest president of the United States, ever. I will fight and fight and fight until all national emergencies are over, and that is likely to take a very long, long time.

Thank you. 

Joyous bedlam erupts. Chants of “lock her up, lock her up, lock her up.” National Guard moves in.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.