“Let’s Kill All The Lawyers.” Shakespeare’s Henry VI, Part 2

Reader take note: This is pretty close to what happened to your Faux News editor and extended family yesterday.


Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, it is true that you have paid my fee of $600 for one hour of consultation to answer  your ridiculously easy legal question. But I am not going to answer it unless you pay my retainer fee of $15,000 and an ongoing monthly retainer fee of $1,800  until the legal issue is fully resolved. Furthermore, do not try to answer this yourself by going to the internet. You could step on a landmine and end up in jail yourself.

What do you mean, why not answer it if it is easy? Magic tricks are easy once you know how they are done, but do you expect a magician to reveal his magic? Of course not. That is the way it is with lawyers, so get over it.

4 thoughts on ““Let’s Kill All The Lawyers.” Shakespeare’s Henry VI, Part 2

  1. This is amazing! How did you capture what he looked like? And the text is brilliant. You didn’t even change his words!

  2. Written five years ago after an encounter with a corporate lawyer on a bond deal.
    Lawyers 5.09.15

    When people interact,
    Conflict will occur
    Transparency and openness heals
    Yet, people resist its directness
    Just wanting the conflict to evaporate
    With no emotional stress

    We have egos,
    And want to be right
    And because change is difficult,
    We avoid change by being right
    So we look for advocates
    who reinforce our view

    lawyers are advocates
    Needing conflict and distrust for relevance
    So they feed peoples’ need to be right
    And the desire to avoid change
    Making lawyers effective magnifiers
    For passive aggressive behavior

    Instead of trust, they sow distrust
    Instead of peace, they sow conflict
    Instead of love, they sow hate
    Until there is no joy
    And all understanding,
    Is replaced by misunderstanding

    This creates a need for rules
    Obviously, the more rules the better
    Until there are so many rules that
    Only lawyers understand the rules
    These rules become laws
    encoded in our society

    These laws paradoxically make people
    Less responsible who fail to communicate
    Becoming people who do not trust
    And who avoid truth
    hiding behind lawyers
    Who think and speak for us

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