Faux News:The Party of the White Working Class

The gentleman stepped behind the podium and began to address the eager crowd.  

We Republicans are now the party of the White Working Class.

We believe in killing minimum wage laws, which destroy your jobs.

We believe in killing socialized medicine like Obamacare so you can get good, cheap health care any time you want.

We believe labor unions should be outlawed. They keep you White Working Class people down.

We oppose subsidies to support childcare.  We Republicans know what you White Working Class  people want, and we think your women deserve to stay home with your young children where they belong.

We oppose subsidies to reduce the cost of higher education and oppose free community colleges.  These subsidies will not help the White Working Class since we know you people have no interest in education.

We are against government spending on so called infrastructure projects, which waste money and do nothing for the White Working Class.

We are against letting immigrants into the US. They  steal your jobs and rape your women.

We are against any new taxes. Income taxes hurt the White Working Class. You need to keep the few dollars you earn.

We are against all the elite, well-educated snobs who think they are better than you are. They should be locked up.

What we are for are voting restrictions that keep the enemies of the White Working Class from voting, and  we are for balanced budgets and fiscal responsibility. We are also for tax breaks for the job creators—the one percenters and big corporations– so you working stiffs can keep your jobs.

And as for the  climate change hoax? We know you want us to fight the Democrat’s job killing restrictions on carbon emissions and will fight them all the way.

So unite behind us, White Working Class!  Our policies will make your lives better, the country stronger and guarantee a good life for all– just like we Republicans did under the leadership of our Great Leader who was robbed in the last election from continuing to rule, but who will return. We are the party of bold, new ideas. We are the party for you!


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