Based on an illegal wire tap of the White House microwave byFaux News, conversations this week indicate U.S. war plans. The following is verbatim:

Spicer: Mr. President. Bad news—your approval numbers are sinking, Obamacare repeal/replace is stuck in Congress because of feuds between the Freedom Caucus and the Republicans-In-Name-Only, ditto with your budget, and the Russia connection inquiry is still going on. The evil judges have nixed your Muslim ban again. Worst of all the only ones buying the Obama wire tap story are the Republican die-hards. We are in trouble.

Trump: So what do I do?

Spicer: Start a war. Isn’t that what all presidents do when they get in trouble? Johnson did it in Vietnam, Reagan in Granada, and Bush in Iraq. It never fails to change the conversation .

Trump: So who do I bomb?

Spicer: Let’s go down the list. What about Mexico? Looks like they are resisting coming up with $50 billion for the wall.

Trump: Got too many hotels down there. Bad for business.

Spicer: Kenya? That is where Obama was born.

Trump: Same problem. Hotel. Let’s hit Hawaii. That is where he grew up. Plus the damn judge stopped my Muslim ban. Will serve the S.O.B. right.

Spicer: Not a country. It’s a state. How about Cuba? That will score some points against Obama for opening up the country in the first place.

Trump: Two new hotels in the works.

Spicer: North Korea might work. The guy is a total nut case and they actually have weapons of mass destruction.

Trump: You sure?

Spicer: Everybody knows they have nukes. Saw on Fox news that he had his half brother killed with a chemical weapon, and he set off a bunch of rockets just this week. In less than two years, they could have rockets that could carry nuclear warheads all the way to California. We have to hit them now before it is too late.

Trump: California? In less than two years?

Spicer: Yes, California. Less than two years.

Trump: Let’s wait a couple years.

Spicer: No. We have to change the conversation now, and the only way to do it is hit some hostile country. You couldn’t find a better candidate—nut case dictator, no friends except maybe China and not a single Trump Hotel.

Trump: Great idea, Sean! Call Rex. Tell him to get his ass over there right now.