The following is a press conference held in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, on Sunday, May 21. Note that all media except Faux News has been permanently banned from all Trump press conferences.
Trump: I have a short opening statement. This is the greatest presidential trip of all time. Period. I have accomplished more in two days in Saudi Arabia than any president before me and more is yet to come. Now first question—Faux News.
FN: What is your greatest achievement with the Saudis?
Trump: There are so many I am not sure where to start, but it is probably the three new golf courses on the desert. No one will have seen anything like it when they get built. It will be like a new Trump Garden of Eden. In fact that is the trade mark we have selected. Second question—Faux News.
FN: What did it take to get that accomplished?
Trump: Not much. A dozen American fighter bombers, the newest ones we have, and one aircraft carrier. They initially wanted two but I jawboned them down to one. I am the world’s greatest deal guy. And is this a great deal or what? And to sweeten the deal, I threw in a couple of classified secrets.
FN: That is very impressive Mr. President, but what about the other accomplishments—world peace, killing terrorists, solving the Sunni Shia conflicts….
Trump: Oh, there is much more. We will be doing two new hotels in Riyadh. Ivanka has just announced a new line of fashion burkas, and Jared has got a couple of new high rises in the works as well. It has been a hugely successful meeting with the king, and I really like these Saudis. They seem to like me too. The king said we are really two of a kind and can truly understand one another. It is just a damn shame that the fake press in America hates me and is trying to destroy me. The people who voted for me—and that is a vast majority of the American people, the most ever if you take away all the illegals who voted—they love me, but not the press and the sore losers, hypocritical so called Progressives. Why do people like Endogen, you know, the guy from Turkey, and Abdel Fattah whatshisname from Egypt and, of course, my buddy Vladimir, why do they all love me, and the fake press just hates me….? And by the way, this kind of fake press reporting would not be tolerated here in Riyadh. Third question. This one from Faux News.
FN: What will be next? What do you plan to do when you get to Israel?
Trump: First I will secure permanent peace in Israel and resolve the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians forever, and then I plan to announce three new resorts—one on the Med and one on the Dead Sea. Still looking for the third site. And there will be another Ivanka fashion line. Last question—this one from Faux News.
FN: What about the rest of the trip?
Trump: It will be the greatest ever. The Pope and I have a lot in common and the NATO people are finally coming around. And I will have lots of announcements about peace, prosperity, U.S. jobs, more jobs, golf courses, hotels, resorts and new fashion lines. Got to run. Headed to Israel.
FN: Thank you, Mr. President. You are the greatest!