Washington, DC , January 13, 2018. President Trump’s remarks that the U.S. would take action against the immigrants from “shithole countries” has set off an international firestorm in a world-wide effort to determine which countries are “shithole countries.” Except for Norway, world leaders in virtually every country are scrambling to assure their citizens—and those who have immigrated to the U.S. or have ancestors who have immigrated to the U.S.—that they are not shitholes. The White House reports that the phones have been ringing off the hook with calls from worried leaders and ambassadors.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders responded at a hastily called news conference this morning that the President specifically singled out only a few countries as definitely being shitholes, “You know, “ she said, “the usual suspects. All the ones in Africa and South America, the Caribbean and definitely North Korea and maybe all the other ones in Asia except for Japan and South Korea and maybe some others.” When asked by a reporter if she could provide a specific list, she replied that no one in the White House actually knew the names of most of the countries in these locations but they were working hard to put together a list. She added that she could only name one country, Mexico, which she said would remain at the top of the shithole list until it paid for the Wall. She said North Korea was in a close second place. When asked if the President had ever visited any of the countries in Africa or South America, she responded that the President does not visit shitholes.

Confirmed reports indicate the assurances from the White House have not provided much comfort to world leaders. Prime Minister Teresa May called the White House to ask if Trump had cancelled his trip to the UK to dedicate the new U.S. embassy because Great Britain was a shithole country. President Macron called to ask if France was in this category because it supported the Paris Climate Accord. Angela Merkel of Germany called to see if they were on the list because they have welcomed immigrants. Justin Trudeau called from Canada to ask if they were shitholes because they welcome distressed Democrats fleeing from the U.S. The situation was only aggravated this morning when Trump tweeted, “Shithole or no shithole? It depends.” In a later tweet he said he would let people know when he got around to it if they were shitholes or not, and for now there was only one other country besides Norway that he would say was definitely not on the list and that was Russia.

Moments later Erna Solberg, the President of Norway, tweeted to the President. “Thanks but no thanks. Do you think anyone from my country would move to the U.S.? Like you, we avoid shitholes.”