Faux News Special: The Greatest Mid Term Election of All Time

President Trump hailed the results of the 2018 mid term election as the greatest of all time and praised his loyal base for turning out votes for him even though, of course, he technically was not on the ballot and Democrats won at least 30 House seats, assuring them a majority. “It is now clear where power in this country lies,” he told our Faux News reporter, “It lies with me and exclusively with me. Sure, we lost the House by a tiny margin, but do you know why? The answer is that every single one of the pathetic, so called Republicans who lost, and lost bad, lost only because they did not support me 100%. If they had stayed totally loyal and obedient, we would still be in charge come 2019. Some even refused to campaign with me. Can you believe it? Well, they paid a price, and make note of it: any Republican who does not commit to total, complete and 100% loyalty to me from now on is toast. They will be primaried out by my loyal followers, and if by some fluke they make it to the general election, they will lose to Democrats. But that won’t happen anymore. There won’t be any Republicans who are not obedient. Just look what happened to Little Shorty, Jeffie Sessions. The Age of Trump is here.”

Fellow Republicans lauded the President and lined up in front of the White House to pay homage to him and thank him for his historic victory and in formally ushering in “the Age of Trump.” Senator Lindsay Graham from South Carolina boasted that he was going to introduce legislation which would change the name of the “Republican Party” to the “Party of Trump”, and that this would happen during the lame duck Congress before the Democrats take over the House. Other elected officials applauded the action. As loyal officials stood in line for hours to get into the White House to kiss the President’s ring and kneel before him, they chanted continuously, “Party of Trump, Party of Trump” and “Bye bye Short-tee, Bye bye Short-tee.”

Earlier in the day the President had held a press conference where he stated that he was looking forward to working with a Democratic-controlled House provided that they did not ask for his tax returns, say anything negative about him, voted to jail Mueller and supported the president 100% in all that he was doing to move the country forward. Following his bi-partisan overtures at that press conference, Trump expelled two dozen reporters   for asking dumb questions and had them jailed.

“It’s a great day for the county,” Trump told reporters. I am not worried about the Democrats. They will fall in line eventually. This is the Age of Trump.”

Democrats were curiously silent when asked to respond to the boasts by the President. One Democratic member of the House, who asked to remain anonymous, told Faux News, “Bro’ Fox, he say, ‘lay low’. The fun is about to begin.”

 

3 thoughts on “Faux News Special: The Greatest Mid Term Election of All Time

  1. As usual, brilliant, sinister, and too close to (sur)reality to be ha-ha funny. (It’s more of a oh-shit funny.) HOWEVER, I think your Trimp dialect is off. I don’t think he would use (or knows?) words like “exclusively” and “margin” and there are too many complete sentences.

  2. Bro’ Fry will be happy to see reference to Bro’ Fox.
    I imagine Bro’ Rabbit will still be in the briar patch until Bro’ Mueller comes out with his
    salutations to Bro ‘ Trump.
    Shortee’, he be historee… .

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