Faux News: Breaking News–Martial Law Under Consideration

Faux News has learned that President Trump is considering an Executive Order imposing martial law that would take effect immediately following his declaration, which is expected within the next two to three days. He has explained to close associates that the reason martial law is necessary is the hostile invasion of the country at the border with Mexico. He said he has seen on Fox News mobs attacking our country, armed with rocks and soiled diapers. He declared that if drastic action is not taken immediately, the invading mob will overtake the entire country. No U.S. citizen, he believes, is safe from what he  described as the “angry horde  from the South.” One associate who was at the high level meeting but has requested anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the situation, quoted the President as saying, “Hey, these thugs and criminals have trudged 2,700 miles on foot with babies on their backs. If they can do that and run through tear gas, if they get into the U.S., there is no telling how much damage they can do. I have heard they won’t stop until they take over the government.”

Republican Congressional leaders who attended the high level, secret meeting were said to have voiced their full approval. Mitch McConnell was quoted as saying that if we do not stop them now, we might as well surrender to Honduras and El Salvador.” Paul Ryan said he fully agreed with the President’s decision, and Lindsay Graham was quoted as saying he wanted to go to the border right now so he could be the first one to fire a shot. No Democrats were reported to have attended the meeting.

There is no clear understanding of exactly what martial law would entail, but those close to the President believe that his first action would most likely direct all available military personnel to construct the Wall that he has been requesting and also shut down major news outlets which he has accused of spreading fake news, such as the Washington Post, New York Times, CNN, PBS, MSNBC, and the Weekly Reader, and jailing all reporters who are associated with those organizations or others like them. The second action would most likely be suspension of the Mueller probe and destruction of all evidence collected in the investigation, which the President has described as “fake evidence.”  The third would be the arrest and imprisonment of all who are considered to be allies of the invading forces from the South. Aides say that those who top his list include Robert Mueller, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Barack and Michelle Obama, and LeBron James. Elections would be suspended, and the midterm elections of 2018 would be considered void for the U.S. House of Representatives due to massive voter fraud, which the President has stated is “fully documented.” Aides also report that all military personnel in Europe would be reassigned and immediately relocated to the United States and would take over and direct all law enforcement efforts throughout the country, reporting directly to the President.

It is not clear if Congress or the Supreme Court would be required to ratify the President’s declaration of martial law. One of his aides told Faux News that since the President now controls all three branches of government, Trump believes getting their approval would not be a problem. However, just to be sure that he will not run into resistance, he has told aides that he will also suspend the Constitution. Another aide pointed out that the President said the action to impose martial law must happen now before the Congress of 2019 is sworn in in early January.

When asked by our Faux News reporter how long martial law might be imposed, one aide who attended the meeting reported that the President said that martial law would be in place “as long as it takes to restore order at the border and throughout the country,” which he added, “could take years, perhaps decades.”

Several participants who were observers at the meeting were reported to be heading with their families to Reagan National Airport the day following the meeting to board planes to Canada.

More information will be reported as it becomes available.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Faux News: Breaking News–Martial Law Under Consideration

  1. Joe,

    Among the news outlets on The Donald’s hit list I note that Faux News is spectacularly absent. THE ULTIMATE INSULT!

    JGK

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