Faux News: Trump Declares “Total Victory,” Praises The Barr “Report,” And Orders Jailing of Democrats and “Deep State Traitors”

President Trump held a rally today in Biloxi, Mississippi, surrounded by over 10,000 screaming fans wearing MAGA hats. In front of the hastily assembled stage   in the center   a high school football field  a huge pile of papers burned with flames towering 50 feet high, said by Trump to be copies of the “worthless Mueller report.”

“You don’t need to read this bullshit,” he said to the delight of the adoring crowd in the bleachers. The Barr Report says it all, No Collusion, No Collusion, No Collusion.”

The crowd erupted immediately, screaming “No Collusion. No Collusion. No Collusion.”

Trump responded, “No Obstruction, No Obstruction, No Obstruction.”

The crowed followed in a frenzy shouting that phrase, then “Kill the Witch Hunters,” and “Lock Her Up.” This raucous activity lasted about a half hour before Trump waived to the crowd, pumped his fist in the air, and exited the stage. 

Following the rally, Trump answered questions from reporters, all from small, pro Trump newspapers, mainly in the South and from Fox News. All other media were screened out except one, Faux News, which when mispronounced “Fox News” is this news outlet’s ticket to getting into these events.

Trump, who was joined by a smiling Rudy Giuliani and Lindsay Graham at his side, told reporters that since he was now completely exonerated by the Barr Report, it was time to move on. Barr’s four page, “exhaustive” report in his view was complete and accurate and was all anyone needed to read. This is why Trump said he was commanding his base to burn every copy of the “flawed and inaccurate” Mueller Report, which even though it totally exonerated him in every respect is still “mostly flawed and was totally unnecessary, a complete waste of money.” Trump talked about how much suffering he has had to endure from what he called a Witch Hunt and traitorous activity inspired by “the Deep State and by Democrats out to get me.” 

Since the Barr Report “summarized all the important parts of the worthless Mueller Report,” Trump added that the content of the report was irrelevant, unnecessary and “probably illegal.” Giuliani and Graham told the reporters that they had no intention of reading a single page of the illegal document and had in fact tossed their copies into the bonfire. Graham added that any Republican caught reading this false report would be stripped of all committee assignments and probably jailed. Giuliani echoed his comments saying that reading the report would just “confuse things” and that the Barr Report was the only source that could be trusted as balanced, fair, bipartisan and truthful. 

When asked by one reporter, what “moving on” meant, Trump said that the major focus of the balance of his term will be “locking up the traitors” that were responsible for the unnecessary report. “It is time to clean house in this country and put the real traitors in jail,” he replied, “And today I am ordering the FBI to revisit the Clinton email illegal activity and to lock her up and then lock up everyone in the FBI who worked on the Mueller Report, starting with Mueller himself.” When another reporter asked how the FBI could be expected to actually lock themselves up, Trump paused for a minute and then said, “Watch me.”

Trump later tweeted, “Wonderful day for America! Witch Hunt over. Totally exonerated. No collusion. No obstruction. Hail to the chief! Jail for the thieves!”

Meanwhile Democrats in Congress and all major news media have been pouring over the 450-page Mueller Report, with much interest and curiosity, noting a long list of items that would appear to fall into the categories of both collusion and obstruction of justice.

One Democratic Congressmen observed that Mueller was not even investigating collusion since that is not in and of itself a criminal activity. Also since it is FBI policy that no sitting president can be indicted for a crime while still in office, according to an FBI spokesperson, the responsibility lies with the Congress to investigate further and take appropriate action.  Chuck Schumer tweeted later in the day, “The Fat Lady has not even come on the stage yet for this one.”

Robert Mueller has also handed over 14 cases to the Southern District of New York, related to allegations of criminal activities by Trump that were not part of the Russia probe. Another Democratic Congressman, Adam Schiff, tweeted, “Buckle up. The fun is just beginning.”

One thought on “Faux News: Trump Declares “Total Victory,” Praises The Barr “Report,” And Orders Jailing of Democrats and “Deep State Traitors”

  1. I am laughing…but really, this edition of Faux News bears such a close resemblance to true life (if such exists) hat it’s really hard to tell what, if anything, is fiction.

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