Faux News: Hear Ye, Hear Ye

From the President of the United States:

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Russia, are you listening? We have won the battle. You are free to do it again. Now do it!

China, are you listening?  If you want a fairer trade deal, you have got your marching orders. I am expecting big things from you.

Ukraine, you BETTER be listening. I know you have the dirt. Now show it.

Turkey, you better start listening. I am expecting help from you too and  you  know it.

Egypt,  are you listening? Show me what you’ve got—or else.

North Korea,  I know you are listening. Our deep  friendship depends on you producing results and you know the results I mean.

Indonesia, what about you? No help, no aid.

Saudi Arabia, I do not have to ask about you. Unleash the dogs.

Brazil, I hope you are listening too. Our friendship depends on what you do.

And to all the countries in the world that share my values and believe in what I believe in and believe in me, you are now free to help the Cause, you are encouraged to help the Cause, dare I say it:  You must help the Cause. Or else.

The U.S. Senate has spoken. This is the new reality, the new Law, the way things will work as we move forward together. God bless the United States Senate, God bless the United States of America, God bless all the Great Counties of the World that share my values and God bless my reelection in 2020.

And beyond!

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